For the past few weeks in DTS, God has been working in me a lot about this topic. I have realized that all people have some sort of pride, some sort of identity that they make for themselves. Three weeks ago I discovered that I definitely struggled with this. During class I was challenged to find areas in my life that I needed to hand over to God so that they would no longer tempt me to walk "in my old ways". I realized that I had this strange problem of being prideful in myself and my talents, yet at the same time I had no confidence to do the things that the Holy Spirit was challenging me to do. I justified this by telling myself that God made me to be a shy girl that was better at being like the rest of the crowd. I decided then and there in class that I must burn these things so that I would no longer justify my selfish actions and identity.
Then two weeks ago our classes were about what exactly it means to have our identity in Christ. We talked about a lot of things that made me realize that I had a lot to hand over to God. Even at that point I didn't quite know what sort of skeletons I was digging out of the closet. One of the specific things we talked about was the importance of humility. It was no mistake that God challenged me one day to get rid of my pride and the next day He would teach me what it means to be humble. I realized at that point that my attitude about myself had been completely wrong in the past. God made me a humble servant of His, yet He also gave me a bold, adventurous, and confident personality that is willing to be courageous when the Holy Spirit challenges me.
Once I was willing to define myself with these qualities, God decided to take me to the next level. This past week, my DTS classes have been about being TRANSFORMED in Christ, and what it looks like to live our lives according to our new identity in Him. This is when all of my preconceived and instilled notions about myself came crashing to the ground. I realized that all along I knew that God made me to be these things in Him. I am His child. I am unique. I am bold. I am confident. I am humble. I haven't given myself these qualities; He has given these to me among many other things because He made me in His image. I've also realized that for so long that I have been called unique or different in a negative way that I had begun to think that my identity in Christ was a bad thing. So I decided to put different qualities on myself. I thought I was the same as everyone else. I thought I was shy. I thought I was talented by my own strength. And by doing all of these things, I started to build walls around myself, and these walls were beginning to immobilize me.
Through multiple classes, and multiple people speaking the truth about myself back into my life for the past few weeks, I decided that I needed to be transformed in Christ again. I HAVE DECIDED TO RISE UP TO WHO HE MADE ME TO BE. HE HAS REDEEMED ME AND GIVEN ME A NEW NAME. This new name is Mfula, which means river in Siswati, the language that my community speaks. This bible passage is where that name comes from:
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at the break of day."